wyzerthanyou

im just irritated right now
i dont really know why

its probably because me my mom and my dad just had like an intervention with my brother regarding his (ex?) girlfriend.
it was just annoying. very nice at the same time.
everyone finally told him how we've felt about her and her living in our house
and about all the times she was a huge bitch.
but my brother got really upset with us

i dont think he's going to talk to me anymore.

i feel really uncomfortable.
so i thot maybe i'd go out and finally do something tonight to get my mind off of it...
but like, jimmy's playing poker
lp and chris didn't text me back so im assuming they went to bed cuz they're early birds.
monica and garrett are both at dans
they were like oh, come over

oke...i wasn't really invited...
plus they're with like..gavin and his child
i think thats super awkward. especially cuz gavins kind of an asshole to me for no reason
so i decided im gunna avoid him, but im not really gunna complain about him to anyone because i dont wanna start anything
i just really dont feel like we're friends any more at all
then theres fernando, who is cool but hes not really my friend
neither are dan and lauren to some extent because like, i'll hang out with them sometimes but never at anything other than a party or garretts really
and then its just monica and evan
and id rather not tough out the awkwardness of dan's just to hang out with them

so ill just stay home.

other news...im getting along with my painting pretty well
only like one wall left.
then i can organize and decorate and be done!
it looks nice.
the green hella brightened up my room. im happy i decided to paint it
it makes my room look bigger and its a nicer place to be in at night.

i work tomorrow for the crisis hotline
then sunday is me and jimmy's 4 year anniversary

wierd.
i know
i can't believe its been that long, and yet so much has happened that i can't believe its not longer.
we're gunna go to san francisco if everything goes as planned.

my periods have been irregular the last like, 6 months.
i dont understand
but its freaking me out, just a tad bit

and i feel fat.
ugh im so sick of feeling fat.
but its just wierd because i look at myself and i feel so disgusting
even though i know im probably not
i know im probably fine
but then for some reason i think that the way i am thinking/seeing is distorted
and that im just thinking that my fat isnt that bad
when really...im fatter than i think
I DONT KNOW HOW I REALLY LOOK
like i cant just look at myself the way i used to
now everything is like....wierd
distorted
and all the parts of my body where there is fat...
like love handles, belly, arms etc
i feel like the fat is weighing me down

the other problem with this situation...
is that i will sit there and work out everyday
but then still eat more than i should
because when im working out im in like....fit mode
and when i start eating im like, fuck it this is good

i suck.

im painting my room light green
i love the blue it is now...but its dark
so im trying to make a change


wherever you go, wherever you go
i'll follow you
theres no place like home